Haibun is a form of Japanese poetry that was popularised in the 17th century by poet Matsuo Bosho. it combines a prose poem and a haiku, which communicate with each other either subtly or directly. 3rd person objective is used in the prose, while the haiku follows the traditional 5-7-5 rule.
The First Time
She had waited so long for this moment. The timing was perfect. He was perfect. Conversation, which before had been so shy and awkward, came to a standstill. The long night stretched before them as they dove into each other face first.
fear morphs into joy
unexplored terrain conquered
infinite rapture
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
Vegan On a Budget
Who isn't on a budget these days? Unless your last name is Trump, you're probably one of the many people who has to plan out where each of their hard earned dollars goes. In the short time I've been on a plant-based lifestyle, I've been told, "Oh, Matti, I'd love to go vegan-- but it's just too expensive. We're on a tight budget and we simply can't afford it." Now, I could preach all damn day about how expensive medications like Lipitor, Cymbalta, and Viagra are-- they can cost several hundred dollars a month. I could go on and on about about how expensive open heart surgery is. (I hope you have about 60 grand laying around.) However, truth is, most people do not think in the long term. They want to know how to save money NOW. So here they are: my best tips for living vegan on the cheap!
First of all, you need to recognise that certain things are going to cost you. Vegan cheese, faux meat, vegan baked goods-- these are considered luxury items. There are some vegans who can afford to eat these kind of things almost daily. (Alas, I am a poor college student. ) If you are cash conscious like me, you must learn to limit these to an occasional treat. For a newbie vegan this may be a bit tough, but I assure you it's worth it. Rice, beans, and tofu are very cheap, nutritious and filling; they can be prepared a variety of ways. When grocery shopping, check out the bulk section of your grocery store. You can often find great deals on vegan staples! Not to mention, dry bulk items keep for a very long time. If you cannot afford to have fresh produce all the time, stock up on frozen. Stay away from canned produce as much as possible, as nutrients are often lost in the canning process.
Invest in a rice cooker or a slow cooker. You can use these to make large batches of cheap vegan meals! One idea is filling the steamer basket of a rice cooker with tofu and vegetables, cooking it alongside the rice. You can use the slow cooker to make vegan chili or stew. The wonderful thing about these appliances is that since it takes some time to cook the food, you can literally ignore them for hours while you get important things done. Of course, though they'll save you money in the long run, rice cookers can be very pricey upfront. Check out local secondhand shops. I found a rice cooker at Goodwill for $5.99.
Sometimes, in our efforts "to keep up with the Joneses". we take on more financially than we can realistically handle. We may have expensive cable or satellite TV, we may go out to eat too often, or we may buy impulsively buy stuff we can live without. Does this sound like you? If so, consider moving towards a minimal lifestyle. (I've got a great beginner's guide on minimalist living right here). You'll not only de-clutter your life, you'll save money, and be able to afford the crazy 15 dollar shipping fee for St Martaen's vegan cheese. Kidding, but the possibility is there.
Health food store prices got ya down? Check out your local ethnic markets! Many Asian and Indian markets are chock full of vegan options. I live in a rural farm town where you can expect to pay about $8 for a pack of vegan hot dogs. However, I can vegan ramen, tofu, hard-to-find spices, and so on for cheap at my local Asian market. Why, I once found a quart of the tastiest coconut milk ice cream for just $4. If you're not sure about an ingredient on the package, just ask one of the staff. I have found that most folks at ethnic markets know what "vegan" is and can tell you whether an ingredient is suitable or not.
Now that you have the general idea of how easy it is to be vegan on the cheap, check out the following websites for some easy meal ideas:
http://www.tryveg.com/cfi/toc/?v=07budget
http://photos.happyherbivore.com/pdf/7-Day-Meal-Plans-Sample_Day.pdf
http://www.cheapandsimpleveganrecipes.com/how-to-be-vegan-on-the-cheap/
Being poor is no excuse not to be vegan. Now you know. Get cooking!
M/
First of all, you need to recognise that certain things are going to cost you. Vegan cheese, faux meat, vegan baked goods-- these are considered luxury items. There are some vegans who can afford to eat these kind of things almost daily. (Alas, I am a poor college student. ) If you are cash conscious like me, you must learn to limit these to an occasional treat. For a newbie vegan this may be a bit tough, but I assure you it's worth it. Rice, beans, and tofu are very cheap, nutritious and filling; they can be prepared a variety of ways. When grocery shopping, check out the bulk section of your grocery store. You can often find great deals on vegan staples! Not to mention, dry bulk items keep for a very long time. If you cannot afford to have fresh produce all the time, stock up on frozen. Stay away from canned produce as much as possible, as nutrients are often lost in the canning process.
Invest in a rice cooker or a slow cooker. You can use these to make large batches of cheap vegan meals! One idea is filling the steamer basket of a rice cooker with tofu and vegetables, cooking it alongside the rice. You can use the slow cooker to make vegan chili or stew. The wonderful thing about these appliances is that since it takes some time to cook the food, you can literally ignore them for hours while you get important things done. Of course, though they'll save you money in the long run, rice cookers can be very pricey upfront. Check out local secondhand shops. I found a rice cooker at Goodwill for $5.99.
Sometimes, in our efforts "to keep up with the Joneses". we take on more financially than we can realistically handle. We may have expensive cable or satellite TV, we may go out to eat too often, or we may buy impulsively buy stuff we can live without. Does this sound like you? If so, consider moving towards a minimal lifestyle. (I've got a great beginner's guide on minimalist living right here). You'll not only de-clutter your life, you'll save money, and be able to afford the crazy 15 dollar shipping fee for St Martaen's vegan cheese. Kidding, but the possibility is there.
Health food store prices got ya down? Check out your local ethnic markets! Many Asian and Indian markets are chock full of vegan options. I live in a rural farm town where you can expect to pay about $8 for a pack of vegan hot dogs. However, I can vegan ramen, tofu, hard-to-find spices, and so on for cheap at my local Asian market. Why, I once found a quart of the tastiest coconut milk ice cream for just $4. If you're not sure about an ingredient on the package, just ask one of the staff. I have found that most folks at ethnic markets know what "vegan" is and can tell you whether an ingredient is suitable or not.
Now that you have the general idea of how easy it is to be vegan on the cheap, check out the following websites for some easy meal ideas:
http://www.tryveg.com/cfi/toc/?v=07budget
http://photos.happyherbivore.com/pdf/7-Day-Meal-Plans-Sample_Day.pdf
http://www.cheapandsimpleveganrecipes.com/how-to-be-vegan-on-the-cheap/
Being poor is no excuse not to be vegan. Now you know. Get cooking!
M/
Friday, October 12, 2012
The Dark Side of Fatherhood
"I stay late at work just to postpone coming home to a screeching wife and kid. I don't know which one is worse. I have no freedom. I can't go back to college. I can't travel. I feel as though I'm wearing a ball and chain. If I had one wish, it would be to go back and get a vasectomy before I met my wife."
So reads on of the many entries on the now defunct website, "True Dad Confessions". For some people, this may not be too shocking. We hear about deadbeat dads all the time. However, many of the guys on the website were not deadbeats in any way. They're your average married Joes, doing exactly what society expects of them. They're fulfilling their obligations to carry on the family name, give their parents grandchildren, and hopefully raising productive citizens.
And not surprisingly, many of them HATE it.
They hate the drudgery, the hum-drum mediocrity of day to day living, sharing space with small people who sometimes can't do much but cry and soil their diapers. A lot of men don't even LIKE children, or even want them.Proclaims a good friend, "Babies are disgusting! I'll never have any of of those." And another man on "Confessions" echoes this sentiment:
"Babies are flat-out boring. Maybe when it's old enough to have some kind of a personality, I will love it. But now? Eh. All it does is lie there, shit its pants, cry, eat and sleep."
Another dreaded thing for men is the way their wives change when Baby makes three. Sometime the fun-loving free-spirit they married because a neurotic mess. She transforms into a woman who suddenly cares about Mommy and Me yoga, Blue's Clues, Kindermusik and to breastfeed or not to breastfeed. She becomes so enthralled with motherhood that anything that isn't child-shaped suddenly doesn't matter, and her husband treated like the hired help.Guys will do anything to make their wife happy, even if it makes them unhappy in the process. After all, love involves sacrifice and compromise... right?
Men are in a pretty awkward position in this regard. While he can choose to wear a condom (or not) ultimately he is not the one who carries the baby, and he has little say in what the woman chooses to do with her body. He is often forced to go with whatever his wife decides. He may feel like he was "tricked" into parenthood and feel resentful, maybe even bitter. Such as this fellow:
"I wish I'd never let her talk me into having kids. I didn't want them. And now that we do, we can't go back to the way things were. Things were perfect before. Don't get me wrong, I do love them and would do anything for them. It's just life was so much better before. We're living paycheck to paycheck because she quit work to be a stay at home mom and we never get to do anything fun. It's just kids, kids, kids. I'd switch places with my childless buddies any day."
You may wonder, if so many men hate fatherhood so much, why do they do it? Why even bother? The answer's easy. They feel like they don't have a choice! Turn on the television or watch a movie sometime. How many long-term, happy single men do you see? Probably few, if any. Unmarried men are seen as lazy, immature, irresponsible and selfish. Guys have it drilled into them their whole lives that in order to be a grown up, they must marry and have kids. They're never even told that there's an option to stay single (or if they do choose to marry, not have children). Once a man realises what he's gotten himself into, it's too late. He can't just leave his wife and children or he'll look like a deadbeat, It's a vicious circle.
True Dad Confessions ia archived, and the posts I've included here are a small sampling. I hope that men who are on the fence would take a look and see what some other dads have to say. Men should realise that there is a choice and they don't have to live their lives being dictated by societal norms. Travel, get a hobby, learn a language, do something with your life! Let these confessions be a reminder that parenthood isn't for everyone.
So reads on of the many entries on the now defunct website, "True Dad Confessions". For some people, this may not be too shocking. We hear about deadbeat dads all the time. However, many of the guys on the website were not deadbeats in any way. They're your average married Joes, doing exactly what society expects of them. They're fulfilling their obligations to carry on the family name, give their parents grandchildren, and hopefully raising productive citizens.
And not surprisingly, many of them HATE it.
They hate the drudgery, the hum-drum mediocrity of day to day living, sharing space with small people who sometimes can't do much but cry and soil their diapers. A lot of men don't even LIKE children, or even want them.Proclaims a good friend, "Babies are disgusting! I'll never have any of of those." And another man on "Confessions" echoes this sentiment:
"Babies are flat-out boring. Maybe when it's old enough to have some kind of a personality, I will love it. But now? Eh. All it does is lie there, shit its pants, cry, eat and sleep."
Another dreaded thing for men is the way their wives change when Baby makes three. Sometime the fun-loving free-spirit they married because a neurotic mess. She transforms into a woman who suddenly cares about Mommy and Me yoga, Blue's Clues, Kindermusik and to breastfeed or not to breastfeed. She becomes so enthralled with motherhood that anything that isn't child-shaped suddenly doesn't matter, and her husband treated like the hired help.Guys will do anything to make their wife happy, even if it makes them unhappy in the process. After all, love involves sacrifice and compromise... right?
Men are in a pretty awkward position in this regard. While he can choose to wear a condom (or not) ultimately he is not the one who carries the baby, and he has little say in what the woman chooses to do with her body. He is often forced to go with whatever his wife decides. He may feel like he was "tricked" into parenthood and feel resentful, maybe even bitter. Such as this fellow:
"I wish I'd never let her talk me into having kids. I didn't want them. And now that we do, we can't go back to the way things were. Things were perfect before. Don't get me wrong, I do love them and would do anything for them. It's just life was so much better before. We're living paycheck to paycheck because she quit work to be a stay at home mom and we never get to do anything fun. It's just kids, kids, kids. I'd switch places with my childless buddies any day."
You may wonder, if so many men hate fatherhood so much, why do they do it? Why even bother? The answer's easy. They feel like they don't have a choice! Turn on the television or watch a movie sometime. How many long-term, happy single men do you see? Probably few, if any. Unmarried men are seen as lazy, immature, irresponsible and selfish. Guys have it drilled into them their whole lives that in order to be a grown up, they must marry and have kids. They're never even told that there's an option to stay single (or if they do choose to marry, not have children). Once a man realises what he's gotten himself into, it's too late. He can't just leave his wife and children or he'll look like a deadbeat, It's a vicious circle.
True Dad Confessions ia archived, and the posts I've included here are a small sampling. I hope that men who are on the fence would take a look and see what some other dads have to say. Men should realise that there is a choice and they don't have to live their lives being dictated by societal norms. Travel, get a hobby, learn a language, do something with your life! Let these confessions be a reminder that parenthood isn't for everyone.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
How To Deal With Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder
People with Borderline Personality disorder rarely have stable relationships. They are often laden with conflict, intense, and short-lived. Familial relationships are often strained as well, because family members have a difficult time coping with their loved one's erratic behaviour. Many people with BPD struggle with addiction and this can be a burden on their families and friends as well. If you have a friend or relative who has BPD, you need to understand that their minds do not work like a "normal" person's does. Read on to find some simple strategies that will help you cope with their behaviour, ease conflict, and strengthen your relationship.
Recognise that Borderline behaviour is not deliberate.
It can be very hard not to take some of the things a person with borderline does personally. They may snap at you for seemingly nothing at all, get angry over silly things and hate you for breaking a promise. While this can be distressing, realise that a your loved one is not doing it on purpose. They simply don't know any other way to think and have difficulty controlling their emtotions.
Learn to communicate in a way that your loved one will not find offensive.
People with BPD often have a short fuse. Saying the wrong thing can cause extreme anger and the borderline person will often stew over what someone has said to them. This is because BPDs tend to feel negative emotions an average of 20% longer than someone who doesn't have BPD. Find a neutral setting (like a coffee shop, for instance) and ask your loved one about the specific words or actions that upset them. Let him know that you care for him and his feelings matter. Be patient, as he may be skeptical and may not open up right away.
Help him boost his self-esteem.
BPDs tend to have very low self-esteem and are their own biggest critics. They may feel worthless, like their accomplishments don't matter, and beat themselves up when they feel like they have failed. Pay attention to your loved one's achievements and praise them. (e.g., "You've been sober for 30 days? That's wonderful! I knew you could do it.") His first response may be to demur and downplay his accomplishment because praise often makes BPDs uncomfortable. If this is the case, immediately restate your appreciation but back off if your loved one gets frustrated.
Understand that you need to regulate your own emotions as well.
It can be very difficult for someone to watch a loved one suffer and be unable to control their behaviour. It is also difficult to deal with the aftermath of their impulsive or risky behaviours, such as picking them up from jail, getting a call from the hospital because he has overdosed, and so on. Many family and friends of BPDs become fearful, guilty, judgemental and desperate. If you find yourself feeling this way, seek help from a counselor. If you can regulate your own emotions, you are better equipped to help your loved one deal with theirs.
Recognise suicidal behaviour, but do NOT enforce it!
At one point or another, you are most likely going to deal with a suicide attempt or suicide threat from your loved on. If he starts displaying suicidal behaviour, try your best to handle it in that moment. Ask him about his emotions and validate (don't contradict) them. Don't bring up past issues, focus on the getting him through the crisis. It is also imperative that you do not give your loved one special treatment only when they threaten suicide, because you may inadvertently be reinforcing the behaviour. He may start acting suicidal to elicit attention when he feels he cannot get it any other way.
Encourage him to get professional help.
While BPD does tend to improve when a person reaches their thirties and forties, long-term therapy may help curb impulsive behaviours and teach new ways of thinking. Try to find a therapist in your area who is experienced in cognitive behavioural therapy. This can be expensive and may not be covered by insurance, so if money is an issue, look into clinics that offer sliding scales for fees. Your loved one will most likely refuse help and if this is the case, do not force the issue. Instead, seek help yourself and support your loved one as best as you can.
Have a safety plan handy in case of emergency.
This should include a list of phone numbers to call or places to visit in case of a crisis. Include suicide prevention hotline numbers, emergency services, close friends, and family members. Make sure that there is someone available every hour of every day. Also important to note are positive coping techniques (such as listening to music, meditating or taking a walk) that the person can use to re-focus their mind. List warning signs and things that may trigger a crisis on the plan. For people who have anxiety or panic disorders it is also important to have some instructions included, such as "Take your Klonopin on the way to the ER". Remind your loved one to keep the plan with them at all times where they can easily get to it, such as in a wallet.
--Matti Dos Santos
For a look into the mind of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, check out the following video:
Recognise that Borderline behaviour is not deliberate.
It can be very hard not to take some of the things a person with borderline does personally. They may snap at you for seemingly nothing at all, get angry over silly things and hate you for breaking a promise. While this can be distressing, realise that a your loved one is not doing it on purpose. They simply don't know any other way to think and have difficulty controlling their emtotions.
Learn to communicate in a way that your loved one will not find offensive.
People with BPD often have a short fuse. Saying the wrong thing can cause extreme anger and the borderline person will often stew over what someone has said to them. This is because BPDs tend to feel negative emotions an average of 20% longer than someone who doesn't have BPD. Find a neutral setting (like a coffee shop, for instance) and ask your loved one about the specific words or actions that upset them. Let him know that you care for him and his feelings matter. Be patient, as he may be skeptical and may not open up right away.
Help him boost his self-esteem.
BPDs tend to have very low self-esteem and are their own biggest critics. They may feel worthless, like their accomplishments don't matter, and beat themselves up when they feel like they have failed. Pay attention to your loved one's achievements and praise them. (e.g., "You've been sober for 30 days? That's wonderful! I knew you could do it.") His first response may be to demur and downplay his accomplishment because praise often makes BPDs uncomfortable. If this is the case, immediately restate your appreciation but back off if your loved one gets frustrated.
Understand that you need to regulate your own emotions as well.
It can be very difficult for someone to watch a loved one suffer and be unable to control their behaviour. It is also difficult to deal with the aftermath of their impulsive or risky behaviours, such as picking them up from jail, getting a call from the hospital because he has overdosed, and so on. Many family and friends of BPDs become fearful, guilty, judgemental and desperate. If you find yourself feeling this way, seek help from a counselor. If you can regulate your own emotions, you are better equipped to help your loved one deal with theirs.
Recognise suicidal behaviour, but do NOT enforce it!
At one point or another, you are most likely going to deal with a suicide attempt or suicide threat from your loved on. If he starts displaying suicidal behaviour, try your best to handle it in that moment. Ask him about his emotions and validate (don't contradict) them. Don't bring up past issues, focus on the getting him through the crisis. It is also imperative that you do not give your loved one special treatment only when they threaten suicide, because you may inadvertently be reinforcing the behaviour. He may start acting suicidal to elicit attention when he feels he cannot get it any other way.
Encourage him to get professional help.
While BPD does tend to improve when a person reaches their thirties and forties, long-term therapy may help curb impulsive behaviours and teach new ways of thinking. Try to find a therapist in your area who is experienced in cognitive behavioural therapy. This can be expensive and may not be covered by insurance, so if money is an issue, look into clinics that offer sliding scales for fees. Your loved one will most likely refuse help and if this is the case, do not force the issue. Instead, seek help yourself and support your loved one as best as you can.
Have a safety plan handy in case of emergency.
This should include a list of phone numbers to call or places to visit in case of a crisis. Include suicide prevention hotline numbers, emergency services, close friends, and family members. Make sure that there is someone available every hour of every day. Also important to note are positive coping techniques (such as listening to music, meditating or taking a walk) that the person can use to re-focus their mind. List warning signs and things that may trigger a crisis on the plan. For people who have anxiety or panic disorders it is also important to have some instructions included, such as "Take your Klonopin on the way to the ER". Remind your loved one to keep the plan with them at all times where they can easily get to it, such as in a wallet.
--Matti Dos Santos
For a look into the mind of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, check out the following video:
Saturday, July 14, 2012
HMS (Poetry)
Note: This poem was actually written sometime in 2007, but I decided to dig it up and rework it a bit. It was
written in a pretty dark and tormented period in my life. Leave a comment and let me know what you think.
"HMS"
All is lost, so go on, jump ship
Don't you dare look back
Everything you ever loved is burning
Your heart is a smoldering wreck
Send the SOS, all hands on deck
We can't save her, the flames are consuming
We're surrounded by the remnants of
A powerful love kindled between
Two childish and naive souls
These words, like water, cannot quench the fire
Their liquid embrace is quickly overpowered
Now is the time to surrender
Forever lost in the seas of emotion
I will go down with this ship...
Save yourself, let me die knowing I failed
Raising the tattered white flag with my burning hand
This ship, my heart, is ablaze in defeat
Matti Dos Santos
written in a pretty dark and tormented period in my life. Leave a comment and let me know what you think.
"HMS"
All is lost, so go on, jump ship
Don't you dare look back
Everything you ever loved is burning
Your heart is a smoldering wreck
Send the SOS, all hands on deck
We can't save her, the flames are consuming
We're surrounded by the remnants of
A powerful love kindled between
Two childish and naive souls
These words, like water, cannot quench the fire
Their liquid embrace is quickly overpowered
Now is the time to surrender
Forever lost in the seas of emotion
I will go down with this ship...
Save yourself, let me die knowing I failed
Raising the tattered white flag with my burning hand
This ship, my heart, is ablaze in defeat
Matti Dos Santos
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
A Beginner's Guide to a Minimalist Life
I was born in the US, a country where excess is the norm. You can buy a drink at a gas station soda fountain that is bigger than your stomach. Automobiles such as Hummers and SUVS get awful gas mileage and are bad for the environment, but they make the person driving them look affluent. Restaurant portions meant to feed one could feed a whole family in a third world country. Not to mention, everyone's busy, working stressful jobs, in order to make money needed to buy expensive things: the latest smartphone, the newest fashions. It's important to HAVE. Everyone seems to be afflicted with the need to HAVE, and if you don't, well, you're just a friendless loser going nowhere in life.
However, is all this HAVING really making anyone happy? Of course not. More people are being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Stress can take years off your lifespan because chronic exposure to stress hormones damages body tissues. But instead of handing over your hard-earned money for anti-depression medication, why not try a different approach to life? By this, I mean living minimally. Living a minimalist life means getting rid of all unnecessary clutter and spending more time with the people that you love.
"But, Matti!" you protest. "Do you expect me to live out of a suitcase or something? And I can't get rid of my iPhone, I'm addicted to it." First of all, you can still live in a your fancy loft and be a minimalist. Heck, you can still have an iPhone and be a minimalist. But that pile of stuff that you have in your closet that you barely look at, and stresses you out, has to go. That huge credit card bill, car payment, cable bill? Those can go too. Below, a few simple steps to making your life simpler:
1) Write out a list of everything you own. Seriously, everything. But wait, you can't name everything? That right there is a sign you have too much. Once this list is done (this is the hardest part) start thinking of everything you can do without. Give away those extra clothes to charity, and sell that unwanted furniture on Craiglist. If you have extra canned food cluttering up your pantry, donate it to a local food bank and make a needy family in your area happy.
2) Removing clutter from your life also means removing unnecessary people as well. We all have at least one "friend" who's a toxic person, brings you down, constantly whines about how much their life sucks or needs you to bail them out all the time. If having these people around decreases your quality of life, then you probably should end the friendship. If this person is someone you rarely see anyway, then it may be as simple as deleting them from your Facebook page, phone contacts, unfollowing on Twitter, etc. If this person is someone you consider a close friend or even a family member, this can be a bit more complicated. See this article for help.
3) Stop going out to eat, ordering takeaway, and relying on processed food all the time. It's expensive, unhealthy and unnecessary. When we get back from work or school, we are often so tired and drained that we just want to pop something in the microwave, or pick up the phone to order pizza. However, eating this way all the time is bad for both health and wallet. Find one day a week where you aren't doing anything and make a large batch of something simple: soup, chili, pinto beans, whatever tickles your fancy and freeze it. That way, you'll have a week's worth of dinners and won't be tempted to order out. Pack lunches for work (think stuff like sandwiches, pitas, leftovers). Have a simple, but nutritious breakfast, such as a smoothie, whole-grain cereal, or homemade granola.
4) Learn how to be alone. This can be hard for some people, but is very worth it! Spend this time doing something you love: learning a new instrument or skill, meditating, communing with God (if you're religious), writing in a diary or writing a letter to a loved one. Sometimes it is best to spend a day in quiet solitude than having a shopping spree or visiting an amusement park. Take social media "fasts" and disconnect from the Internet for awhile (even if it's just for a few hours), turn off your phone and television. A long, solo walk or hike can also be beneficial and stress-relieving.
5) Reduce your overall consumption and avoid advertising as much as possible. Get AdBlock for your web browser (go here for a free download) to get rid of annoying ads.Cancel your subscriptions to magazines that are mostly ads and check out their online versions. Have a gas guzzling car? If you can't get rid of it, start using it less. Carpool with friends, ride the bus, ride your bike, or even walk. Due for a cell phone upgrade? Consider getting a prepaid, emergency-only cell phone instead or trading in your smartphone for something simpler. Are you a fashion lover? Instead of shelling out big cash for the latest haute couture items, check out thrift stores and resale shops.
I have been living minimally for about 4 years now. At first it was due to necessity, but now it is out of choice. I do not own a car, a cell phone, or a single piece of furniture. The majority of my possessions are books and clothes. Now, I am not saying that this is for everyone, but it works for me. Most of us can take at least some of the steps listed above. Even doing something as small as getting rid of cable and only having basic TV channels will make a huge difference.
Want to learn more about living minimally? Visit: http://unclutterer.com/ and zenhabits.net
Peace,
M.
However, is all this HAVING really making anyone happy? Of course not. More people are being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Stress can take years off your lifespan because chronic exposure to stress hormones damages body tissues. But instead of handing over your hard-earned money for anti-depression medication, why not try a different approach to life? By this, I mean living minimally. Living a minimalist life means getting rid of all unnecessary clutter and spending more time with the people that you love.
"But, Matti!" you protest. "Do you expect me to live out of a suitcase or something? And I can't get rid of my iPhone, I'm addicted to it." First of all, you can still live in a your fancy loft and be a minimalist. Heck, you can still have an iPhone and be a minimalist. But that pile of stuff that you have in your closet that you barely look at, and stresses you out, has to go. That huge credit card bill, car payment, cable bill? Those can go too. Below, a few simple steps to making your life simpler:
1) Write out a list of everything you own. Seriously, everything. But wait, you can't name everything? That right there is a sign you have too much. Once this list is done (this is the hardest part) start thinking of everything you can do without. Give away those extra clothes to charity, and sell that unwanted furniture on Craiglist. If you have extra canned food cluttering up your pantry, donate it to a local food bank and make a needy family in your area happy.
2) Removing clutter from your life also means removing unnecessary people as well. We all have at least one "friend" who's a toxic person, brings you down, constantly whines about how much their life sucks or needs you to bail them out all the time. If having these people around decreases your quality of life, then you probably should end the friendship. If this person is someone you rarely see anyway, then it may be as simple as deleting them from your Facebook page, phone contacts, unfollowing on Twitter, etc. If this person is someone you consider a close friend or even a family member, this can be a bit more complicated. See this article for help.
3) Stop going out to eat, ordering takeaway, and relying on processed food all the time. It's expensive, unhealthy and unnecessary. When we get back from work or school, we are often so tired and drained that we just want to pop something in the microwave, or pick up the phone to order pizza. However, eating this way all the time is bad for both health and wallet. Find one day a week where you aren't doing anything and make a large batch of something simple: soup, chili, pinto beans, whatever tickles your fancy and freeze it. That way, you'll have a week's worth of dinners and won't be tempted to order out. Pack lunches for work (think stuff like sandwiches, pitas, leftovers). Have a simple, but nutritious breakfast, such as a smoothie, whole-grain cereal, or homemade granola.
4) Learn how to be alone. This can be hard for some people, but is very worth it! Spend this time doing something you love: learning a new instrument or skill, meditating, communing with God (if you're religious), writing in a diary or writing a letter to a loved one. Sometimes it is best to spend a day in quiet solitude than having a shopping spree or visiting an amusement park. Take social media "fasts" and disconnect from the Internet for awhile (even if it's just for a few hours), turn off your phone and television. A long, solo walk or hike can also be beneficial and stress-relieving.
5) Reduce your overall consumption and avoid advertising as much as possible. Get AdBlock for your web browser (go here for a free download) to get rid of annoying ads.Cancel your subscriptions to magazines that are mostly ads and check out their online versions. Have a gas guzzling car? If you can't get rid of it, start using it less. Carpool with friends, ride the bus, ride your bike, or even walk. Due for a cell phone upgrade? Consider getting a prepaid, emergency-only cell phone instead or trading in your smartphone for something simpler. Are you a fashion lover? Instead of shelling out big cash for the latest haute couture items, check out thrift stores and resale shops.
I have been living minimally for about 4 years now. At first it was due to necessity, but now it is out of choice. I do not own a car, a cell phone, or a single piece of furniture. The majority of my possessions are books and clothes. Now, I am not saying that this is for everyone, but it works for me. Most of us can take at least some of the steps listed above. Even doing something as small as getting rid of cable and only having basic TV channels will make a huge difference.
Want to learn more about living minimally? Visit: http://unclutterer.com/ and zenhabits.net
Peace,
M.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Sympathy (A Love Song)
1) You're so far away
And every second I'm without you
Is a second I get closer to breaking
My body's crying out for all the love
That we're not making
You say it will be okay, and you feel so bad
But there's nothing you can do
Well, we both know, yeah we both know
That's not true
Chorus:
I don't need your sympathy
I just need you next to me
To me, to me
I don't need comforting words
Baby they sound so absurd
To me, to me
Come a little closer
And I'll show you what we can be
2) Well I don't wanna rush
But I want you so badly
And I've waited long enough
Let me take you over
I promise it'll be worth your while
Give me one night
Won't stop until I make you smile
(chorus)
Bridge:
Sick of all this pointless waiting
Can't keep on anticipating
Baby come on, come on
Whatcha waiting for?
Come on, come on
I want more |
Come on, come on (2x)
I don't need your sympathy (chorus)
Monday, March 26, 2012
Common Fears About Becoming Vegan (Read This And Put Them To Bed!)
So... You've watched "Earthlings", "Food Inc", "A Delicate Balance", "Forks Over Knives" or some such documentary and decided you don't want to contribute to animal cruelty anymore. Or maybe you've decided you want to be healthier. Maybe you read somewhere that adopting a plant-based diet would reduce your carbon footprint. Heck, what if you want all three? Well, making the choice to become vegan is a good place to start. However, having been raised a certain way, or being led to believe you need meat to be healthy can make the transition extremely tough. You may have quite a few fears about being vegan. Here, I am going to address the most common ones, so you can be a happy, fearless vegan!
"I won't be able to get enough nutrients".
"I won't be able to get enough nutrients".
Many people fear they will not get enough calcium, iron, protein, or B12 on a vegan diet. The truth is, you do not need as much of these nutrients as you think. New research has shown that more than 750 milligrams of calcium a day doesn't do much good for the body; as a matter of fact, it can actually cause problems such as irritability, depression and fatigue. Consider this: The US consumes more dairy on than any other country on the planet, and yet has more osteoporosis than any other country too! Why? Because often, the American diet lacks magnesium and potassium, which is essential for calcium absorption. You can consume a ton of calcium but they body will not absorb it without these two minerals! Have a handful of nuts for magnesium, and chow down on bananas for potassium.
As for protein, most people get way too much. Bodybuilders do not even need extra protein; the body doesn't absorb it, and excess causes kidney problems and dehydration. The rule of thumb is 0.36 grams per pound of body weight, so a 150-pound person needs 54 grams a day, and it is very easy to get this just by eating plenty of beans, tofu, tempeh, and grains!
Anemia is really not a common problem for vegans, despite the stereotype (especially not for men!) But make sure you're getting enough iron by eating leafy greens,beans and nut butters.
As for B12: Everyone (including our meat-eating brethren) needs to take B12 supplements a couple times a week for insurance purposes. A shot once a month works well and its effects are immediate.
"I won't be able to eat my favourite foods anymore."
Is it possible to be a vegan and a food lover? Well, according to my waistline, the answer is YES. In my omnivore days, I loved breakfast burritos, hamburgers, cakes, lasagna... If it was unhealthy, I ate it! Guess what? Just because I became a vegan, I didn't stop loving my favourite foods. I just "veganise" them now. Search the Internet and you will find thousands of ways to make everything you love vegan! Why, not long ago I tried mock fish from Sophie's Kitchen (because I miss fish, but I don't miss eating toxic waste) and it was heavenly.
"Vegan food is so boring. I won't be able to stick to it if I just eat salads and tofu all the time!"
There is so much wrong in that statement! Eating vegan is only as boring as you make it. It's a culinary adventure: Asian foods such as Thai, Japanese, and Chinese are very simple to veganise. Yearning to try something completely unique? Try Ethiopian food! The combination of spicy, flavourful stews (called wat), bread, and tibs (sautees) will be a delight for your taste buds you won't soon forget. From the pungent curries of India, to the gyros of Greece, there is always something new to discover. I personally think the fattening sandwiches and meat-and-two-soggy-cooked-vegetable combination I used to eat so often are boring! If you're too busy to cook sometimes, there are many convenience foods available (look for Amy's and Yves at your local supermarket).
"What about going out to eat?"
Ah, restaurants. Many of our social gatherings involve food and it is hard to know exactly what is in your food when you don't have control. Restaurants often cook vegetables in butter and put milk in mashed potatoes. One restaurant in my town puts bacon and cheese on their dinner salads! Rule Number One of vegan dining out: DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP! Ask questions such as "Does the bread have honey or butter?" Check out www.happycow.net to find vegan or vegan-friendly restaurants in your area. Where I live, we have very few vegan options (small town) so I be sure to bring something to snack on if I get hungry or eat a small meal BEFORE I go, so I do not get tempted to order something iffy when I'm out.
Office potluck? If a well-meaning coworker offers you something with meat, dairy or eggs in it, be as polite as possible when you decline! Bring a yummy vegan dish or better yet, dessert to share. Sometimes the best way to a person's heart is through their stomach. (Hint: You may not want to slap the vegan label on it, just in case. Call it "dairy-free" or "egg-free" if you have to.)
"I'm a picky eater and I hate vegetables! What am I gonna eat NOW?"
A food critic I knew once said, "Picky eaters are bad, but picky vegetarians are the worst!" When it comes to health, yes they are. Sadly, many parents these days do not have their children eat vegetables, or eat enough, because they are busy, work long hours and don't have time to cook. In this way, one is set up for failure, because one grows accustomed to eating fast food, packaged convenience food, and other junk. This pattern of eating can have serious consequences such as type 2 diabetes, heart disease and early-onset dementia. Do you have the palate of a five-year-old? Then you need to take a kid-friendly approach! www.vegkitchen.com has many recipes for the picky--ahem, discerning--taste buds. Also, do note, that over time your taste buds will change and you will grow to like, and probably love, the new foods you are eating. Take it from the former biggest vegetable hater in the world: yours truly.
Are there any fears you having about eating vegan I didn't mention above? Please mention it in the comments!
Matti Dos Santos
Monday, February 13, 2012
"Bacon" Explosion Burritos (and my first ever recipe blog!)
Breakfast burritos are one of my favourite foods EVER. I could seriously eat one every day and not get sick of it. However, when I became vegan, I had to alter them. Luckily, I discovered that tofu mimics the taste and texture of scrambled eggs quite well, and there are loads of bacon alternatives. Now, you don't have to be vegan, or even veggie to enjoy this delicious recipe, as it is much healthier than a traditional bacon-and-egg breakfast too.
"BACON" Explosion Burritos (3 very generous burritos)
1 (12 oz) block of firm or extra-firm tofu
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 teaspoon turmeric (this helps give the tofu that eggy yellow colour, optional)
1 tsp margarine or oil (I use Earth Balance or canola oil)
2 tbs tamari (Soy sauce works too, but tamari has a stronger flavour)
6-8 slices imitation bacon (I recommend Lightlife)
1/4 cup imitation bacon bits (not the nasty hard ones used in salads)
cheese of your choice, to taste
3 burrito-sized tortillas
OPTIONAL:
1/2 onion, diced
1/2 bell pepper (red or green), diced
1/8 cup green chile sauce or salsa
1 cup cooked o'brien or hash brown potatoes
1) Drain tofu and press. To press, put the tofu on a plate, put another plate over it. Now place something heavy like a textbook on top of the plate. Wait about 30-45 minutes so all the liquid can drain. This step is essential! If you don't press out the water, the tofu won't be able to absorb flavours and will be a soggy mess. Once tofu is pressed drain off all the water and crumble with your hand.
2) In a large skillet, heat the oil on medium-high heat. Then saute tofu, bell peppers and onions (if you are using them) for about 3-5 minutes. Now add turmeric, salt, pepper, tamari and bacon bits. Reduce heat to medium and cook for another 5 minutes.
3) Whilst the tofu is cooking prepare the bacon in a different pan. Cook according to package directions. When done set aside.
4) Heat up the tortillas. I like to heat them up directly on the burner when I have a gas stove. But if you don't, just pop them in the microwave for 30 seconds.
5) Now it's time to make the burritos. Lay the tortilla flat and line up the bacon in the center. If you made potatoes, add these as well. They'll probably overlap. Now add a small heap of the tofu mixture on top (not too much, or you won't be able to fold the burrito!). Sprinkle as much cheese as you would like on top, and add salsa or green chile sauce if you're so inclined.
6) Roll up and enjoy!
Wasn't that easy and delicious? I hope to post more recipes in the future. Stay tuned!
M.
Monday, February 6, 2012
The Last Love Letter I've Ever Gotten
Found in my Saved email folder whilst doing a routine spam purge. Here it is in its entirety.
It took me a long time to
get to a place mentally where it
didn't upset me to think about you.
From very early on when we met, I
wanted nothing but to just be with
you, around you, etc. I would have
gone anywhere, and done anything,
just to see you smile.
I don't know if I told you
this, I may have. I think I told
you this as you were telling me to
stay out of your life and how (name withheld)
was such a great guy. On that one
night when I walked to your house
really late, just as I was coming
to the roundabout that divides the
two mesas, I turned around. A
shooting star went across the sky.
I had never, ever seen one before.
I decided that it must be a good
omen, and I thought that if I had
just one wish in life it would be
to be with you. True story.
Well, I think everyone
knows what happened. For every
minute we were together you've
spent at least 6 trying to keep me
away from you, trying to get me to
leave you alone. And for every
minute we were together I've spent
6 as an emotional train wreck. Was
it worth it to me to spend 6 times
the time we were together with a
broken heart and a withered soul?
I don't know. I had become a
zombie. I didn't talk anymore then.
I walked around with one expression
on my face and was never more than
2 and a half seconds away from a
total breakdown. My boss finally
noticed that my soul had been
crushed out of existence and I was
now just an automaton. So people
tried to help me.
I spent *years* wanting
nothing else but to be with you.
And at every single step of the way
you had some method, motivation or
reason to reject me. Suppose I
should have learned to take a hint.
I'm not very smart though. At some
point I did get to a place where I
recognized that just staying away
from you and not getting
emotionally involved in anything to
do with you was the best path.
And then, much later, you
started your whole "fox-hound"
thing. I was highly suspicious that
it was bait for an emotional bear
trap. But it went on so long and I
wanted to believe it so badly that
I took it. And now I'm emotionally
maimed again.
I love you way too much for
my own good, obviously. Not very
long at all after I accepted your
efforts you discarded the entire
thing. I don't know the real reason
why but I can't believe it would be
over calling you the wrong name.
I was rejected, yet again.
I was given the "just
friends" routine.
This time was a little
different though. This time was
especially heart wrenching because
of everything else going on in my
life. I just couldn't find anything
in my life that I had to look
forward to. Nothing to give me at
least a little hope that one day it
would all just be better. I had
"us" to hope for. And I tried so
hard to keep that in my mind, to
focus on it and not have to think
about everything else in my life.
But it was just a mirage. There is
no water at this oasis, just more
sand.
Sorry about everything. I'm
sorry I've bothered you for so
long, and for whatever I did to
make you want to do this. I have no
heart to open up to anybody
anymore. I love you, since the
beginning of it all, love too much
for me, whether I hide or show it.
Like a dried out twig, I can only
bend so far before I break.
I love you and I'm sorry,
-(name withheld)
11/22/2010
get to a place mentally where it
didn't upset me to think about you.
From very early on when we met, I
wanted nothing but to just be with
you, around you, etc. I would have
gone anywhere, and done anything,
just to see you smile.
I don't know if I told you
this, I may have. I think I told
you this as you were telling me to
stay out of your life and how (name withheld)
was such a great guy. On that one
night when I walked to your house
really late, just as I was coming
to the roundabout that divides the
two mesas, I turned around. A
shooting star went across the sky.
I had never, ever seen one before.
I decided that it must be a good
omen, and I thought that if I had
just one wish in life it would be
to be with you. True story.
Well, I think everyone
knows what happened. For every
minute we were together you've
spent at least 6 trying to keep me
away from you, trying to get me to
leave you alone. And for every
minute we were together I've spent
6 as an emotional train wreck. Was
it worth it to me to spend 6 times
the time we were together with a
broken heart and a withered soul?
I don't know. I had become a
zombie. I didn't talk anymore then.
I walked around with one expression
on my face and was never more than
2 and a half seconds away from a
total breakdown. My boss finally
noticed that my soul had been
crushed out of existence and I was
now just an automaton. So people
tried to help me.
I spent *years* wanting
nothing else but to be with you.
And at every single step of the way
you had some method, motivation or
reason to reject me. Suppose I
should have learned to take a hint.
I'm not very smart though. At some
point I did get to a place where I
recognized that just staying away
from you and not getting
emotionally involved in anything to
do with you was the best path.
And then, much later, you
started your whole "fox-hound"
thing. I was highly suspicious that
it was bait for an emotional bear
trap. But it went on so long and I
wanted to believe it so badly that
I took it. And now I'm emotionally
maimed again.
I love you way too much for
my own good, obviously. Not very
long at all after I accepted your
efforts you discarded the entire
thing. I don't know the real reason
why but I can't believe it would be
over calling you the wrong name.
I was rejected, yet again.
I was given the "just
friends" routine.
This time was a little
different though. This time was
especially heart wrenching because
of everything else going on in my
life. I just couldn't find anything
in my life that I had to look
forward to. Nothing to give me at
least a little hope that one day it
would all just be better. I had
"us" to hope for. And I tried so
hard to keep that in my mind, to
focus on it and not have to think
about everything else in my life.
But it was just a mirage. There is
no water at this oasis, just more
sand.
Sorry about everything. I'm
sorry I've bothered you for so
long, and for whatever I did to
make you want to do this. I have no
heart to open up to anybody
anymore. I love you, since the
beginning of it all, love too much
for me, whether I hide or show it.
Like a dried out twig, I can only
bend so far before I break.
I love you and I'm sorry,
-(name withheld)
11/22/2010
**************************************************************************************
I want you all to know something. I learned a very important lesson. When a love this strong, this powerful, and this enduring comes along, for the sake of all that's green DO NOT LET IT GO. No matter what anyone tells you. No matter how difficult things may seem at the time, they can always get better. Relationships are hard work, and you have to be wiling to put in a lot of effort to make them last. People are so obsessed with the fairy-tale notion that you'll be one hundred percent happy when you're with the right person. I wish that were true but it's not.
Love letters are a lost art these days. If you love someone, write them a letter and tell them so. It means so much more than a cutesy "143" text.
M.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Living With Borderline Personality Disorder: My Story
I'm hardly ever the same person from one day to the next.
I'm impulsive, insecure, and paranoid. My views of people can shift rather rapidly. Someone who once elicited high praise from me at one point may be looked down upon fairly quickly. At 26 I've already had three broken engagements and one failed marriage. I fear being alone or abandoned, but at the same time I push people away because I am afraid they'll get too close. I have many acquaintances, but very few real friends. Some days I cry myself to sleep because I can't shake the thought that everyone secretly hates me.
I realise I must sound like a complete head case. But for me and the other 1.4 percent of America suffering from borderline personality disorder, this is normal. When people meet me for the first time, they usually see a fun, talkative, cheerful girl. I'm the one taking up the whole dance floor at the club. I'm the one who always seems to be making jokes. I love animals; I'm the proud owner of four hermit crabs. I love makeup and fashion, so I'm always experimenting with new looks (I have dyed my hair almost every colour imaginable). On the outside, I'm a completely average person.
But look closer, and you'll see that things are not what they seem.
One of the major components of BPD is the constant identity crisis. I am of Mexican and Spanish ancestry, and ever since I was a child I've known that I am a minority in America. I always had difficulty fitting in. The other Hispanic children wouldn't have me because I was "whitewashed"-- I didn't speak Spanish, and I was "too smart". The white kids grudgingly accepted me, but I knew I was different and it bothered me. I was harassed, bullied and beat up a lot as a child. As I grew up and started exploring my talents (writing and singing being the big ones) I made more friends, but no matter which group I was a part of, I always felt like an outsider. To this day I feel alone even when amongst people whom I know care about and like me.
Another major part of my daily existence: impulsiveness. For me it has manifested as binge eating and alcohol drinking, yo-yo dieting, chain smoking, promiscuity, and debt because I have poor money management skills. All of these are issues I have had on and off since I was about 16 or so. One of the reasons people with BPD tend to be so impulsive is because we never learned how to harness our emotions. I am prone to fits of rage, sometimes for no reason, and I lash out and break things or hurt people. I also deal with chronic feelings of emptiness; in the past self-destructive behaviours served to fill the void. I tend to feel and perceive everything in extremes. I have difficulty trusting anyone and if I dislike someone, that dislike is usually permanent.
As stated above, my personality has caused me to lose lots of friends over the years, and I have had a series of intense, often short-lived romantic relationships. I have been called a drama queen and an attention whore more times than I can count. Some people have difficulty seeing me as a person with an illness. I have been on medication to help ease the other symptoms of this disease (clinical depression and panic attacks). I think I'm no different than any other person with a chronic illness, yet I have had significant othersd break up with me because of it, and I have estranged much of my family at times. It really bothers me when people don't understand and worse, they don't want to.
According to research, the symptoms of BPD tend to wane with advancing age, so there is hope. I try my best to live life with purpose so I don't feel so empty, bored and restless all the time. Every day is a process and a struggle. I hope one day I can find someone who will understand my illness, be prepared to deal with it and help me through it. My illness defines a lot of my behaviour, but every day I'm making progress. It's going to be a long and hard road to getting better... In the end though, it will be worth it!
For more on borderline personality disorder, visit: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/symptoms-of-borderline-personality-disorder/
Peace,
M.
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