Find Me (Song Lyrics)

1. Another sleepless night

Without you by my side

Can't be without you anymore

Nothing's worth living for

She's still on your mind

Even though she left you behind

Come to your senses, love, and come to me

Imagine what we can be

Pre-Chorus.

All I want to do

Is find a way to cure your pain

Kiss away your tears

So you never hurt again

Chorus.Find me waiting

Find me contemplating

Find me wishing you were here

Keep me wondering, keep me guessing

Maybe one day I'll learn my lesson

Is this love, or is this fear

2. Another day passes by

Tell myself I'll be all right

One day you'll come around

As the sun, again, goes down

Well, I know this much is true

She's got a power over you

Am I a fool to pretend

That I'm winning in the end?

Pre-Chorus 2.

They say I'm crazy and I should give it up

Don't tell me maybe, it's not enough

(Chorus)

Bridge.

All I want is all of you (2x)

I'll show you that my love is true

All I want is all of you

(Chorus 2x)

---M.

The 10 Most Annoying Questions You Can Ask a Vegan (Part Two)

Back in November, I answered some questions that meat-eaters tend to ask vegans (or any vegetarian) a lot. I got a lot of positive feedback (and not just the two comments on the bottom, believe it or not), so I decided it's high time to write part 2! As always, if you have a question not answered in this blog, feel free to open a discussion. I will answer to the best of my knowledge, and if I don't know, I will point you to somewhere that does.

5) "Don't plants have feelings too?"

Ahhh.. Seventh grade life science. I remember doing a lot of fun stuff in that class. I used to flirt with the cute boy who was my lab partner, pick scabs and put the pickings under the miscroscope when we did labs... Those were some good days. One thing we learned is that certain life forms have these wonderful things called a nervous systems. These so-called nervous systems are what allow these life forms to feel. Now, you may be wondering, are plants in that group? I'm afraid not. Plants have no central nervous system, nor do they have a brain, so they can't feel.

So where did people get this idea that plants have feelings? Well, some time ago, a study was done which concluded that plants respond to stimuli. Over the years, people started equating this with feelings. Other people say that plants scream when they are plucked from the Earth, we just can't hear them. Unfortunately, there is absolutely no scientific data to back any of this up. The best part of the "plants have feelings too" bit is "too." One is basically acknowledging that animals have feelings and are capable of suffering. Animals suffer when they are killed for food; plants do not. This is yet another way that some meat-eaters try to shift the blame.

4.) "Weren't humans meant to eat meat? We're at the top of the food chain for a reason."

Here's a little challenge for you.

You're not allowed any weapons, just your bare hands and teeth. I want you to find a cow, chicken, or pig. Now, I want you to use your teeth and hands to rip apart this animal and eat it. RAW. You're not allowed to cook it or anything. Doesn't sound very appetising does it? Without all the lovely spices and hot cooking temperatures to kill the nasty bacteria that can otherwise kill you, meat is actually rather disgusting. Humans cannot eat raw meat; we would get sick, possibly die. Our mouths are full of flat, grinding teeth meant for plants, not meat. (Don't bother mentioning our wimpy canines, which wouldn't do much to take down a cow).

So how did humans get to the top of the food chain? By cheating. We lack the necessary tools to eat meat naturally (sharp claws, sharp teeth, proper digestive system) so we invented all kinds of machines to do the killing for us. We cook meat to make it palatable. There are animals like tigers and sharks which would actually be our natural predators if we didn't have all our lovely technology.

3.) "Doesn't being a vegan make you gay/girly/wimpy?"

Tell that too all the vegan bodybuilders and athletes out there! (And check out the website www.thediscerningbrute.com. Those guys look anything but girly to me.) Some MMA (mixed-martial arts) fighters are choosing vegan diets because of the strength it gives them. I have always wondered where the ghastly pale, gaunt vegan stereotype comes from. Men are conditioned to believe that steak is manly but salad is wimpy. Because of this, more men suffer from heart disease, atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries), strokes, Alzheimer's disease, certain cancers, impotence... and they die younger too. Pretty manly, no?

Also, to answer "Does being vegan make you gay?"... Well, no one quite knows what causes people to be gay. But I can assure you that it's not because of veganism.

2.) "Don't we need dairy to be healthy?"

Let me lay this down for you, quite simply. Dairy products are some of the most unhealthy things you can put into your body. It is laden with saturated fat and cholesterol, the over-consumption of which can cause heart disease. Americans consume more dairy than any country on the planet and yet, we have the most cases of osteoporosis. Also, many people's bodies naturally reject dairy. I'm certain you've heard of a condition called lactose intolerance. Simply put, this means that your body does not produce the proper enzymes to break down lactose. Cow's milk was meant for baby cows, not humans. A lot of us grew up believing that we needed calcium for strong bones, and while this is definitely true, cow's milk simply doesn't cut it. Animal proteins actually usher calcium out of the body, and make the blood more acidic, which can cause numerous health complications.

Also, think about this: Humans are the ONLY species which continues to drink milk after weaning, and not just any milk, milk from a completely different species.

If you need any more reasons to ditch dairy, please check out: http://www.vegsource.com/julieanna-hever-ms-rd/10-reasons-to-ditch-dairy.html

1.) "Isn't everything in moderation okay?"

Most people eat way too much salt, sugar, fat, or protein. (Yes, there is such a thing as too much protein.) Some things are fine in moderation, like alcohol. (Moderate meaning a drink a day for women, and two for men, due to the differences in the way we process alcohol.) Few people eat meat in moderation though. Think about how many times a day you eat meat. You probably eat it with every meal. That isn't moderation.

Eating in moderation requires a ton of self-control and planning, something most people hate to do when it comes to food. It is much easier to just AVOID foods that are bad for you, and fill up on good foods. Over time you will start craving better food and ditch the junk. One thing that turns people off about veganism is how "restrictive" they think it is. I can assure you I am not restricted in any way! I still eat all my favourite food, I just vegan-ise it. My meals are varied and interesting; I rarely get bored. I'm not a moderate eater, but I am a happy one.

Have more questions? Comments? Post them below!

M.

Love Doll (POETRY)

Your kisses taste so bittersweet

We could be something more

That's what bothers me

When it's over I always disappear

I sleep alone every night

Because you're never here

You say you want me when you call me

But you only want me when you're horny

I'm your sex doll

Take me or leave me

You leave me empty

My heart's broken and bleeding

I'm your sex doll

Discarded and ruined

Can't take anymore

I won't live through it

Last night you promised me someday

When it's all over

You're the one who gets away

I get nothing but lots of wasted time

People think I'm crazy

Cos I want to make you mine

But who wants a sex doll?

Used up like a tissue

Carefully concealed like a mental issue

Who wants a sex doll?

Well, you don't mind

But I'm cold and I'm lonely

When you leave me behind

---M.

Ready To Dump Dairy? A Primer on Plant-Based Milk

There are a lot of reasons to stop drinking cow's milk. Think about it for a minute. Humans are the only species that drink the milk of another species, and we are also the only ones who drink milk past infancy. Growing up, many of us think we need milk to be healthy. I'm sure you've seen the "Got Milk?" commercials that say, "Milk is essential for healthy bones and teeth." New research has shown that cow's milk actually leaches calcium from bones, and causes the blood to become acidic (Check out http://www.livestrong.com/article/248912-foods-that-leach-calcium/ if you want to learn more). We also do not need as much calcium as previously thought. The average adult can get along just fine with about 750 mg of dietary calcium a day (yes, even children).

Whatever your reason for giving up milk, be it ethical, health, whatever-- there's a plant-based milk to suit your needs and taste buds. The goods news is that it's getting easier to find them at your local store. Plant based milks are often fortified with vitamins and minerals; some are way more nutritious than dairy milk! Below, I have compiled a list of plant milks, what they taste like, how much they cost, and where you can find them.

Soy milk

What does it taste like? I won't lie, soy milk is definitely an acquired, love-it-or-hate-it kind of taste. The texture is NOT like cow's milk, it is rather thick. The taste is very strong and nutty. Soy milk can be used in cooking and baking (stick to unsweetened, unflavoured for this).

Recommended brand/flavour: Soy newbies should check out Silk Very Vanilla. The sweet overtones of the vanilla mix with the nuttiness of the soy for a winning taste combination. I do not recommend trying plain soy milk if you are new to it. You WILL hate it.

Where can I find it? Just about every grocery store carries it these days. Check the dairy section.

Almond Milk

What does it taste like? It has a a very sweet, nutty flavour, like soy milk, but some people prefer it due to its richness, smooth texture, and versatility. Use it in a smoothie, on your cereal, or in rice pudding for a delicious change. Almond milk is also very rich in the antioxidant vitamin E.

Recommended brand/flavour: Blue Diamond, any variety. Try the chocolate, the creamy, rich flavour puts chocolate milk to shame.

Where can I find it? Wal-Mart, Albertson's, Trader Joe's, Whole Foods

Coconut Milk

What does it taste like? Coconut milk tastes just like... wait for it... Coconuts! If you hate coconuts, don't even bother. The texture is rich and somewhat oily. Many people like to use it in cooking Thai-based dishes (for this, use canned, NOT the refrigerated kind in a carton). Coconut milk is compartively healthier than cow's milk because it has zero cholesterol, less calories, and is high in iron.

Recommended Brand/Flavour: Try Silk Pure Coconut. It is available in original or vanilla.

Where can I find it? Check the dairy section at your favourite grocer.

Hemp Milk

What does it taste like? I do not want to sound biased, but hemp milk isn't for everyone. It has a strong, nutty, slightly bitter flavour that bites! It is very rich in Omega 3 and Omega 6, nutrients which may keep your heart healthy.

Recommended Brand/Flavour: Ready to take the hemp plunge, man? Don't worry, it's completely legal and it won't make you high. Try Living Harvest Vanilla hemp milk. It is excellent in chai tea.

Where can I find it? Hemp milk is not widely available in the United States just yet; try your local health food store. Whole Foods has a selection of hemp milk available. See http://wholefoodsmarket.com/stores/ for stores.

Flax Milk

What does it taste like? It has a nutty, pleasant, yet undistinct flavour, making it very easy to use in your favourite recipes and for drinking. Flax has been shown to be very high in Omega-3.

Recommended flavour/brand: As far as I know, only one company makes it: Flax USA. It is available in original or vanilla.

Where can I find it? Select Wal-Mart stores carry it so far. It may be more widely available in the future.

Rice Milk

What does it taste like? Rice milk is sweet and creamy; but some are turned off by the "watered down" taste. I find it best to use in cereal. Also, it does not contain the protein that some plant-based milks do.

Recommended flavour/brand: Rice Dream has the best rice milk I've tried.

Where can I find it? Check the dairy section at your local grocer.

What are your reasons for going dairy-free? Have you tried a plant based milk, and if so, what did you think? Comment below, and good luck on your dairy-free journey!

M.

What Did I Do Wrong? On Lost Love

I know a boy who once was a very good friend. Let's call him Andy.
Andy had been lonely for almost two years. He'd been on a couple of dates, but he still hadn't found a girlfriend. He worked at a gas station, which was frequented by local high school girls. There was a girl who'd come in frequently and buy burritos. She called him "The Hot Burrito Guy". He thought she was super cute, but he worried about the age difference, as Andy was already 19 going on 20. He found out that the pretty girl's name was Michelle. One day, Michelle came to buy a burrito. She was wearing her cheerleader's uniform, looking fresh-faced and pretty. She boldly asked him out on a date. Andy was in awe; he accepted.
After being alone for so long, he couldn't help but fall for her. She was funny, smart, spontaneous, witty. He cherished their movie nights. He loved her biting wit and acerbic sense of humour. The past two years had been a very dark period in Andy's life, but Michelle brought light and happiness. She even seemed to like watching professional wrestling with him (something most other girls seemed to hate). He was pretty sure he'd finally found the girl he was looking for.
However, shortly after their one year anniversary, Michelle dropped a bomb: She'd lied to him about her age. When they first started dating, she had told him she was 17. She had actually been 16 (which meant that he could face a statutory rape charge if her parents found out). She also revealed that she had lied to him about several other things. Andy was shocked and heartbroken. He broke up with her that same night.
Michelle, however, would not allow herself to be left. She flooded his phone with voicemails and texts, asking him to give her another chance. Andy's friends thought he'd be better off without her but he felt that maybe he had been too harsh. After all, everyone makes mistakes. So he took her back. He made her promise never to lie like that again. She promised, and all was well. Andy was confident that a fresh start would fix everything.
A few months later, they moved in together. They shared an apartment with his cousin, Owen. Andy soon found Michelle incredibly difficult to live with. She was unable to keep a job for more than a few months at a time and when she did have money, she would spend it on things she didn't need, while contributing almost nothing to the upkeep of the household. They got into constant fights. During one of those fights, Michelle kicked him in his testicles. They were swollen for three days afterward. Andy became very depressed and started drinking heavily.
Another thing Andy found out about Michelle was that she had a flair for the dramatic. She was a narcissist and thought that everyone flirted with her. She also made up lies about people, and would start drama with her friends. She stole money from Andy's aunt a few times, blaming someone else every time she got caught. Andy's friends and family began to worry about the toxic nature of their relationship. One night, whilst having a row, Michelle revealed that the only reason that she started dating Andy was because of his resemblance to a certain rock star. She wanted to take pictures with him, post them on Myspace, and make everyone believe he was this person.
Through it all, Andy stuck with her. He believed that love meant staying with someone no matter what obstacles they faced. No matter how difficult or impossible a person might be, he thought that if you truly love a person, then that means more than any shortcomings a person may have. As years passed, Andy lost friends, and his family became more distant. Michelle's family hated him (they were just as crazy as she was) and did not allow him to come to family events. They blamed him for all her weird behaviour, claiming she was never like that till she met him. Around the time of Michael Jackson's death, Michelle suggested they get married, have an MJ themed wedding and get everyone to pay for it. Andy was a huge Michael Jackson fan, so naturally he liked the idea. He bought Michelle a ring and told everyone the good news.
Michelle had taken a job at a bookstore chain at the local mall. She liked the job and even more so, one of her coworkers, Justin. She and Justin started spending a lot of time together. He would text her at all hours of the night. Andy started feeling very hurt and left out, especially because Michelle never asked him to hang out with her and Justin. He confronted her about it, but she claimed that they were "just friends" and there was nothing for him to worry about. As time went on, it was evident that there was plenty to worry about. Andy, feeling scared and insecure, hacked Michelle's phone while she was sleeping. He found all kinds of racy text messages from Justin. He confronted her the next morning. Michelle confessed what was really going on, then promptly dumped him. 4 1/2 years ended just like that.
Though this happened some time ago, Andy is, to this day still very hurt and confused. He was pretty blindsided by the breakup. He wonders what he did wrong. "I was an excellent boyfriend," he says, "I never cheated, I never lied, I always remembered her birthday and our anniversary. I gave her everything she wanted. How could she do this to me?"
I don't feel that Andy meant to do anything wrong. He did everything he could to ensure that they had a good relationship. He made, however, two very fatal errors. One, he ignored red flags throughout the relationship, and two, he allowed himself to get comfortable with a person who was clearly wrong for him.
Humans are very adaptable human beings. We can get used to just about anything after awhile. Allow me to present an example. Say you have a chair. It is uncomfortable, with giant spikes of varying sizes poking out. When you first sit on the chair, you scream "OUCH!" and jump up. But allow yourself to get used to the spikes, and soon you know each individual spike. You become comfortable. You learn to avoid the one that pokes you in the side and always go for the ones that don't hurt as much. In this way you can spend hours, even days on this uncomfortable spiky chair. You might even start to like it. After awhile sitting on another chair just feels "wrong". You miss the spiky chair because it is comfortable, and you're used to it. Never mind that you have puncture wounds that never seem to quite heal, and everyone wonders why you're sitting in that damn spiky chair in the first place.
In this way, we become used to people who are bad for us. We will ignore all the bad signs (such as Michelle's lying and stealing) and focus only on the good (like sense of humor, skills in bed). We believe that love means sacrifice, even if it means sacrificing our own happiness for someone else's. However, when a relationship becomes more painful that pleasurable, one needs to make the decision to let go and move on with life, and find a more comfortable chair, so to speak. If you don't, you will end up with only more pain in the end, like Andy did, and wounds that may scar but never quite heal.
Andy is still alone and hurt, while Michelle is happy with Justin. People keep telling Andy that it's only a matter of time before she dumps Justin for a newer model as well, but this is a small comfort. He cannot seem to let go of the dreams and hopes he had. We don't speak anymore, but I hope one day he is able to let go. Life is all about moving on, and sometimes love can find you when you least expect it.


M.

The Fine Line Between Crushing and Obsessing

Are you crushing or obsessing? Check out the list below and decide which one you are.

Crush: Hoping against hope you see your crush stops by your work, so you can flirt.

Obsession: Finding out your crush's work schedule so you can stop by and flirt.

Crush: Drooling over your crush's FB profile pic.

Obsession: Making a fake profile so you can spy on him/her.

Crush: Leaving a Secret Admirer note in your crush's locker.

Obsession: Driving by your crush's house at night.

Crush: Being sad that your crush has a bf/gf.

Obsession: Doing whatever you can to break them up.

Crush: Hearing a song on the radio and it reminds you of them.

Obsession: EVERYTHING reminds you of them.

Crush: Imagining going on a date with your crush.

Obsession: Having the names of your future children picked out.

Crush: Buying your crush a flower.

Obsession: Leaving a dozen roses on their doorstep.

Crush: Writing your crush a poem or a song.

Obsession: Singing it outside their window at 3 AM.

The 10 Most Annoying Questions You Can Ask a Vegan (Part One)

I have only been a vegan for a few months at this point. While I love my lifestyle because of the health and animal benefits, I will admit it can be a hardship at times. I see the world in a different light now. People seem to be distressingly ignorant about veganism, and it's hard to tell if questions are genuine curiosity or someone looking for a fight. I've decided to make an FAQ (Frequently Annoying Questions).

10.) "What exactly do vegans eat?"

People think vegans eat three things: tofu, grass and salad. I can assure you this is not true. I eat a lot of the same things my omnivore friends go: burgers, breakfast burritos, lasagna, pizza... You name it! Just about any recipe can be modified to suit a vegan diet. Not to mention a lot of favorite snack foods are already vegan. (I'm eating Buddy Fruits, which are a delicious fruit snack, while I write this.) I do eat a lot of things I would have never eaten before, like Tofurky (much better than real turkey), tempeh, quinoa (makes an excellent breakfast cereal), and so on. Vegans tend to eat a lot more fruits and vegetables too, as well as whole grains.

9.) "Why are vegans so self-righteous and preachy?"

We've all met them: The vegans who can't seem to shut up about the murder that is in a glass of milk, and squawk about the evils of buffalo chicken wings. I know, I'm one of them. Have you heard the saying, "There is no one as fanatical as a convert?" Most of us grew up believing that meat was good for us, we needed milk for strong bones and teeth, and eggs were a good source of protein and b12. Then, one day, we opened our eyes, Maybe we watched a factory farming documentary or visited PETA's website. And suddenly we were angry. We'd been fed lies about food our whole lives by people we love and trust. Many of us become activists, hoping we can stop other people from being sucked in by the meat and dairy industry propaganda. There are some vegans who didn't grow up that way and act like they did, self-righteously turning up their noses and acting like they're better than everyone. Some of us need to realise that not everyone is enlightened yet.

8). "Animals eat other animals to survive. So what's wrong with humans eating meat?"

How fortunate a lot of us are to live in wealthy countries where worrying about food is not an issue. Times have changed a lot, and we no longer need to eat to "survive"-- a plethora of food can be found at your local supermarket. In the wild, without the conveniences of technology and civilisation, doubtless we would need to eat whatever we could to survive, including meat. Alas, we do not live in the wild like our animal friends. We live in houses where we are protected from danger. We have vast amounts of food at our disposal. At this stage in our evolution, we eat meat for pleasure only, not for survival.

7.) "Do you ever miss meat?"

I'm sure this is something vegans get asked a lot, and the answer is different for everyone. For me, the answer is yes. It's hard not to miss something that was a part of your life for 25 years. I liken it to a smoker who quits. He knows smoking is bad for him, but he misses it because it was a stress reliever and a habit. I used to eat bacon and eggs on the weekend, it was one of the few times I'd see my mum during the week and she would cook this for me. At the same time, I know my health is better and I'm not killing any animals just so I can eat.

6.) "What if you were stranded on a desert island, and you had to eat meat or you would die. What would you do?"

I absolutely cannot stand these kind of questions. They're idiotic and distract from real issues. There are quite a few variations on this theme, but most of them involve eating meat or dying. Someone asked a vegan on a FB page one time, "If someone asked you to kill 10 animals, or 10 morally upstanding people, which would you choose?" Questions like this don't have any one answer because they have too many variables (e.g., how do you know the people were morally upstanding, what constitutes morals, blah blah). People only ask questions like this to start arguments. In response to the desert island question, I'd find some animals, figure out what they eat, and eat that. Also, I'd be making damn sure I get rescued.

I hope you found this post enlightening. If you have any questions, you can leave them in the comments below.

M.

A Not-So-Happy Ending (Part 2)

January 2004 arrived, and I was absolutely full to bursting with excitement and anticipation. Not only was I soon to be a legal adult, I was finalising my plans for university in the fall. The year prior, before I'd even met John, I aced all my entrance exams. I hoped my extracurriculars, foreign language credits and part-time job would make up for my otherwise lacklustre high school career. All around me, I heard my classmates talking about their dream schools: Ivy Leagues like Yale and Harvard, but some were choosing to stay closer to home and go to state schools. My dream school was Sarah Lawrence in Bronxville, New York, where I planned to major in Music Education. However, out-of-state tuition, room and board would cost forty thousand dollars a year. Since I did not qualify for most financial aid, I would have to take out massive student loans and hope I could luck into a work-study position on campus to cover my other living expenses. I was okay with this; I figured that once I graduated I would be able to land a cushy job somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, perhaps running my own music studio. Life would be good.
So where did my boyfriend fit into all of this? He had no plans to go to uni, or for any kind of future really. He seemed to be content eking out a meagre existence on his delivery driver's salary. He also harshly criticised me for my Sarah Lawrence plans, saying I was only doing it to live up to others' expectations. He said I was a doormat and I had no backbone. I called him an ambitionless loser. It soon got to the point where I couldn't mention uni without it becoming a huge fight. We would scream at each other for hours until one, or both, of us was crying. We would make up soon afterward but the cease-fires never lasted long. I was terrified of losing him, but I had no idea what would happen to us after I graduated. Would we be able to make a long distance relationship work? The thought of being away from him for months on end, with email, AOL Messenger and the occasional phone conversation being the only ways we could keep in touch, sounded like more than I could bear.
Around this time we started spending more time with our coworkers from Dominos. They were older than us, in their twenties and thirties, and they were more than happy to supply us with cigarettes, liquor and weed. Naturally neither of our parents approved us hanging out with these guys so I would lie and say I was going to study at a friend's or I had to work late. My school friends, by and large, had stopped associating with me. They didn't like John, they thought he was weird, and my friend Victor even thought our relationship was unhealthy. But I had no idea what a healthy relationship was even supposed to look like. I only had the all the silly ideas that had been planted in my head since I was a kid from TV and movies. Ideas like "there's one right person for everyone", "if it's meant to be, it will work out," "love is all you need", etc.
At the same time, I thought we needed some excitement to make us fall in love all over again. In February, we went to see a 311 concert in Albuquerque. It was the first real concert either of us had been to. The line was long, stretching all the way around the building, so we passed the time by making out, goofing around and people watching. They played "Love Song" from "50 First Dates" and we slow danced together, swaying gently to 311's downtempo reggae rock. In the moment, all the fights, all the months of discord melted away. I felt safe, loved and at peace. On the way home, high on expectations, I decided that we should get married. Marriage, I reasoned, would solve all our problems. As husband and wife, we would have no choice to work on our problems. We would be a team and build a future together. Uni wasn't as important as spending life with the man I loved.
So I asked him to marry me, and he accepted. We broke the news of our engagement to our parents. My mother was furious. She forbade me to marry him. "You are throwing your entire future away over some boy!" she yelled. I had always been an obedient child, rarely rebelling. Normally I would have bowed my head and murmured an apology. But I stood firm, and she slammed the door to my room in disgust. His parents just laughed at us. They said we would never go through with it, and if we did, we would never last. However, his mother wanted me to have a ring at least. She gave me her grandmother's ring. It was beautiful, a small solitary diamond set in white gold, but it was much too large. I wore it on a chain around my neck.
In order to prepare for married life, I decided to forego my usual spring sport and took a job at Sonic. I would be making more money as a carhop since I got tips; this would be perfect for saving for a wedding and a place together. By this point John had dropped out of school and he was working at Dominos full time. The application deadline for Sarah Lawrence came and went. I realised that I hadn't applied to a single school. In order to get my mum off my back, I applied to New Mexico State University, her alma mater. They accepted me, but I would have to pay my own way. I told Mum I would use the money I earned from Sonic to pay for school, hoping she would leave me alone. She relented...for a time.
Little did I know that she had plans of her own. Her contract at LANL was up, and she was moving the family to Albuquerque. I was coming too, she said, end of discussion. I told her that with only two months left in the semester, it was highly unlikely that I'd be able to finish school there. She didn't care. She just wanted me to get away from John. She went to extreme measures to make sure I didn't see him, including having my siblings spy on me. Both of them felt really bad about doing it, but they didn't want to incur my mum's wrath.
I couldn't take it anymore. I ran away and moved into John's small, cramped room. We were reunited! It was a huge victory, and I thought John would be proud of me for standing up to my mother. I relished my newfound freedom. A couple of weeks after I moved in with him, he dropped a bombshell: He wasn't sure if he was ready to get married. At least not yet. When pressed, he simply said he needed to think about it, he needed more time. Something inside me shattered. Didn't he appreciate everything I'd done for him? I had nothing without him. I had no friends, I was estranged from my family, my entire future centred around him, but it wasn't good enough. "Matti," he said exhaustedly, burying his head in his hands. "I do want to marry you. Someday. We're too young. I'm not ready." Since Mum had left already for Albuquerque with my brother in tow, I called his parents and begged them to let me stay at their place until the school year was out. They agreed, and my sister and I moved in with them in late April.
Eventually, we reconciled. I asked him to come with me to Senior Prom. We planned a cozy, romantic candelit dinner, just us two. However, my sister decided to invite herself along, as well as several of her friends and their dates. I was starved for a social life, so I was happy about the change of plan. When I called John and told him the news, he blew up. "Thanks for ruining everything," he said. "I hope you enjoy your night." He hung up. I tried calling him back a couple of hours later but his roommate told me that he wasn't home.
"Where is he?" I demanded.
"He has a date," his roommate replied smoothly. I heard one of his other roommates laughing in the background.
A date. A DATE. I couldn't believe it. I hung up, tears streaming down my face. My sister quickly found me another date (her date's best friend) but the night was a disaster. My date and I barely spoke to each other, and all I could think about was him cheating on me with this other girl. Later he told me it was a set-up by his roommates, he didn't even know the other girl, and nothing happened between them. The damage had already been done, however. My heart was broken into a million pieces.
John's father got a contracting job in Colorado, one that would be very well paid and would allow us to keep living with them. Since I was still angry with my mother, I said yes, I would love to move to Colorado. It would be a new beginning. I could leave all the painful memories behind. John alternated between begging me for forgiveness and blaming me for what happened on Prom Night. Graduation, then moving day arrived. He stopped by his parents' house to say good-bye, just as we were getting ready to make the long drive to Colorado. I had nothing left to say to him. When he reached out to embrace me, I pushed past him and got into the car. A look of bewilderment and dismay crept across his face. It was still there as we were driving away.

TO BE CONTINUED

A Not-So-Happy Ending (Part 1)

My first love came into my life on an otherwise unremarkable day. It was the end of my junior year, 2003. My evil English teacher was droning on about the reading assignment or something. While I was mindlessly doodling in my notebook, pretending to take notes, I noticed a new boy sitting at one of the corner desks. He was tall, slender and had a mop of brown hair that fell over his eyes. He had hazel eyes, a full mouth and a cute, upturned nose. I was curious... And instantly attracted. Good-looking boys were pretty commonplace in Los Alamos, but there was something different about this one. I couldn't quite place my finger on what it was. I sipped my Dr Pepper and snuck looks hs way; every time our eyes met, I could feel my face burning. He was so dreamy! I made up my mind right then and there to make him my boyfriend.
There was only one problem: I already had a boyfriend. Kevin and I had been seeing each other for about six months. He was a lifeguard at the local pool, and I'd met him when I practised with the swim team. He was two years older than me, a freshman at the local community college. Over the course of our relationship, Kevin had become increasingly controlling, possessive and demanding. I'd never had a "real" relationship before him so even though I didn't want to be with him anymore, I had no idea how to leave. At the moment though, Kevin was the furthest thing from my mind. I was focused on talking to New Boy. When class ended, I made my way over to his desk. "Hi," I said, "you're new here, aren't you?"
"Yes, I am," he replied.
"That's too bad," I said. "If I were you, I'd get out as soon as you can." I was trying to make a joke, but he only gave me a bewildered look. My face turned red as a beet, and I turned to walk away before I could embarrass myself further.
It turned out that he was in my French class as well. He sat in the back, conveniently behind my usual seat. I noticed that he was writing kanji characters in his notebook. "Japanese?" I asked knowledgeably. At the time, I was going through an "otaku" phase and I loved everything Japan.
"Correct," he replied, not looking up.
"I know some Japanese,"I bragged, hoping he would be impressed. Now he looked up at me, and I saw that his eyes were even more beautiful up close, with flecks of gold and green in them.
"Say something in Japanese,"he said.
Dammit. I panicked. I knew a lot of random words and phrases, but my traitorous tongue refused to let me speak. He scoffed. "You're like Saddam Hussein," he muttered, going back to writing. This was a reference to Saddam Hussein's pretending not to speak English because he believed Arabic was the only "true language." In spite of our rocky start, New Boy actually became interested in me. I found out that his name was John, he had just moved here from Louisiana, and his father worked at Los Alamos National Laboratory like my mother. John had been born in Utah but had moved around a lot due to his father being in the Air Force. We started hanging out frequently. I loved hearing him talk, he had a soft, pleasant voice and laugh I found spellbinding. Before long, he asked me on a date.
His parents agreed to take us to see "The Matrix Reloaded" on a Friday night. They drove up to my house in an ancient blue Chevy Suburban. He'd told me that his family was Mormon and his parents were conservative folk. On the whole drive to the theater, which took about twenty minutes, I made nervous small talk and hoped I wasn't making a complete idiot of myself. After the movie, I snuggled close to him, inhaling his scent and wrapping my arms around his waist (even though his dad shot me a death glare in the rear view mirror). I couldn't remember ever being this happy with Kevin, who had rarely taken me on real dates.
Speaking of Kevin... of course, he wasn't too thrilled that I'd gone on a date with another guy. A messy breakup ensued, which included stalking, some creepy emails and a run-in at the pool. However, once the dust settled, John and I were inseparable. The first few months of our relationship were absolute bliss. We spent lunches together, hours on the phone, we wrote each other long, rambling letters. I cherished every minute we spent together. However, I quickly learned we didn't have many interests in common. I was an athlete, he didn't care for most sports. Besides languages, he was interested in Michael Biehn, an old TV show called Kung Fu, and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. He liked a lot of obscure music while I preferred more mainstream bands like Coldplay. He also had a very strange sense of style, his entire wardrobe seemed to consist of plain tee shirts, khakis and fleece jackets from Old Navy. Despite our differences, I was crazy about him. His parents had grown to like me as well, though his brothers were indifferent at best. As senior year began, our relationship continued to flourish.
Before John, I'd fooled around with a few guys, but I had yet to have sex. Raised in a strict Christian household, I believed that virginity was precious, to be given only to someone I thought was worthy. Now I thought John was worthy. I had been his first kiss, his first everything really, so I was sure he wanted me the way I wanted him. In September he took me to the Homecoming Dance. We didn't stay long. We ended up in a dark parking lot in his parents' SUV. One thing led to another, and within minutes neither of us were virgins anymore. It was awkward, a bit painful, and over quickly. But I had given him something I could give no one else, and to me, this meant an unbreakable bond had been forged between us. As I held him afterward, I swore to myself that I would never again love anyone the way I loved him.
The honeymoon phase came to a swift end soon after Homecoming night. Unbeknownst to us, his parents had become suspicious of how close we were really getting. Though they were always nice to my face, they did not trust me, thinking that sooner or later I would "ruin" their precious eldest son. Their suspicions were proved correct when John's mother went snooping through his drawers one day. She found a letter I'd written him which mentioned our encounter at Homecoming. She called my mother, and they sat us down for a meeting which mainly consisted of them telling us how foolish we were, and how disappointed they were in the both of us. His mother asked if we'd used any kind of birth control (we had) and what we planned to do if I was pregnant. My mother barely looked at me the entire time, but on the way home from the Christens' house she told me that I wasn't allowed to see John anymore. I was heartbroken. How dare she tell me I was forbidden to see the love of my life? For days, I sulked. John and I did our best to avoid each other. I didn't even look at him in fifth period Economics.
After about a week of this, I couldn't take it anymore. We started seeing each other in secret. We stole kisses in the hallway and we wrote each other constantly since we couldn't talk on the phone. John was driving one of his parents'spare cars and we would go to secluded places to make love. Around this time, I'd gotten a job as a cook at Dominos PIzza, in a bid to show my mother I was responsible. Since I was working, doing sports and keeping my grades up, Mum slowly started granting me privileges back, including the phone and going out. Gradually the Christens' iciness toward me thawed, and he was allowed to get a job at Dominos as well, working as a driver. Even though it seemed like we had overcome our parents, things weren't the same as they were before. By my eighteenth birthday, eight months in, the downhill spiral began.

TO BE CONTINUED

How Harry Potter Changed This Muggle's Life

Today, I went to go see part two of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows." Quite an emotional experience this was. I cried at least three times (I sobbed throughout the whole sequence that showed Snape's memories, that part was so heartbreaking) and when I left, I realised something. With this movie, a huge part of my childhood/teenhood/young adulthood was ending. J.K. Rowling has pooh-poohed rumours that there will be any more Harry Potter novels. Pottermore, the website that will supposedly take fans "beyond the books", does not officially open until October. But Harry's adventures are now over.

The original novel was published in 1997, when I was in fifth grade. I devoured each book; with every one that finished, I longed for more of the Boy Who Lived and his friends. The novels grew up as I did. I was a child curious about the world as the saga started, and as the story grew darker, Harry more jaded, I did too as I learned painful lessons that come with growing up (like my first heartbreak.) Life wasn't always easy. The books often provided my only solace, my only escape.

I loved spending lazy afternoons with Harry, Ron and Hermione. I would fly on a broomstick, playing Quidditch. I would suffer through Potions lessons. I would face the perils of the Triwizard Tournament and watch a good person killed at the hands of my enemy. I would join the trio as they searched for Horcruxes, and answers to the many questions Dumbledore left behind.In the end, I learned that good always triumphs over evil, and that the loyalty of friends and family is worth more than power.

Harry was willing to sacrifice himself to save the entire world. He trusted his mentor, even when this mentor wasn't always as forthright as he should have been. Even after he found out the truth of his existence, he faced his destiny with his head held high. Harry's spirit inspired me and millions of other people for over a decade. While other series like "Twilight" may have also enjoyed widespread popularity, it is the depth of the story, and the sheer humanity of its characters, that make the series so amazing.

Harry's spirit and courage are truly an inspiration. He taught me never to give up even when times seem grim and the whole world is against you. Albus Dumbledore said towards the end of the book, "Don't pity the dead. Pity the living, especially those living without love." Though Voldemort was powerful and had a lot of followers, he lived a life without love or friendship. In the end this was his undoing.

Thank you, Harry, for not only inspiring me to read and write, but to live. :)