28 Things I've Realised by (Almost) 28

My 28th birthday is this Sunday. I'm getting closer and closer to the Big 3-0. I'm sure life still as many lessons left to teach me, but I've learned quite a bit in my almost 28 years on this planet. I wonder what I'll have to add to this list in 28 more years.

1) A lot of the folks you went to high school with are graduated from college, in the careers of their dreams, in the city they hoped they'd end up in. If you're still working on this, don't worry.  Everyone has their own journey and comparing mine to someone else's will only make you miserable.

2) When you're 21 and barely legal to drink, it's perfectly okay to spend your weekends puking in dirty club bathrooms and doing silly things you won't remember later. When you're 28, it's pathetic and kinda sad.

3) Cartoon character tattoos (like Winnie the Pooh) are never okay at any age.

4) Rebound flings are fine, but make sure they *stay* rebound flings. Making them into a relationship is a terrible idea pretty much all the time.

5) Did you have a shitty childhood? I did, and while it sucks, I made peace with it. There comes a time when you have to stop blaming your parents and realise you're an adult, therefore you're responsible for your choices.

6) If your shitty childhood won't stop bothering you, get therapy.

7) People will say just about ANYTHING to get you to sleep with them.

8) Bring baked goods to the office every now and then (bonus points if they're homemade) and you'll be popular.

9) Quit going out to eat all the damn time. It's expensive and unhealthy. Suck it up and cook your own food. If you don't have time, make time.

10) Spend more time reading and less time watching TV. You'll be much more interesting, your vocabulary will expand and your imagination will grow.

11) Do something out of your comfort zone. It keeps life exciting and will help you overcome your fears. For me, it's really hard to talk to strangers so I make it a goal to say hi to a stranger every day.

12) Don't keep around a toxic friend just because you feel sorry for them, or because you've known them for years and feel like you owe them. Cut them out of your life and you'll be much happier.

13) It's better to have a small group of good friends who will always be there for you rather than lots of acquaintances that you never see.

14) Stop being so self conscious. No one is paying attention anyway. They're too focused on themselves to notice you.

15) Many people never really grow up; they're stuck in junior high/high school popularity contest. I've seen middle aged women act like catty 13-year-olds. I've seen grown men act like bullies on a schoolyard playground.

16) If you haven't already, start taking care of your skin now. This means cleanse, tone, moisturise. Day cream with SPF during the day, night cream before you go to bed. You can't fight wrinkles forever, but you can have healthy, moisturised skin.

17) Don't feel bad if your biological clock hasn't started going haywire yet. (I'm pretty sure mine is broken.)

18) As you get older, losing weight gets harder. There's a good chance that if you're fat now, you may always be fat. Changing this will be a lot of work, but it will pay off in the end.

19) Stop reading beauty magazines. They just make you feel bad about yourself. Start reading magazines like Mental Floss. At least you'll learn something that doesn't involve finding the perfect shade of lipstick or giving your man the perfect blowjob.

20) Oh, and if you've reached the age of 28 without knowing how to give a good blowjob... I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

21)It's true that you may never forget your first love, but for heaven's sake, don't waste time chasing those feelings with every person you meet afterward. When you're a teenager everything feels new and exciting. When you get older and you've had a few heartbreaks, love feels a lot different but that doesn't make it any less meaningful or wonderful.

22) No matter how old you get, your parents will always consider you their baby. And your mum will always have the power to make you feel like you're five years old. Don't try to fight it, just accept it.

23) Sometimes people just won't like you. Hell, some people may just hate you on sight. This doesn't necessarily make the other person a bad person, or mean you have some fundamental defect. It just means someone doesn't like you. Move on.

24)  The teenage version of you would cringe at this thought, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with dressing for comfort and not fashion. Jeans, a giant hoodie and comfy sneaks 24/7? Sure, why not? (Bonus points if the comfy sneaks are Keds.)

25) As you get older, hangovers suck more. In your early 20s you could usually fight them with Gatorade and a good breakfast, but now they require spending the whole day in bed.

26) Getting carded at bars and clubs makes you feel awesome.  "I don't look old enough to be here?... You have to card everyone? Dammit, just let me have this!"

27) Your younger friends will sometimes annoy you with their naivete and your older friends will annoy you when they say "Well, when I was your age..."

28) Life is one big, beautiful, chaotic mess. You will rarely get everything you want. The trick is to be happy with everything you have.


---M. Dos Santos

The Time We Had (song lyrics)

Days are long

Nights are longer

Every day I get stronger, though

I still miss you so

Shine a light

Help me, guide me

Another morning

Without you beside me

Oh, why did you have to go?

No fly by night lover can heal this pain

There's no more sunshine, there's only rain

The time we had is gone

The love we shared is gone

I've been replaced

You've found another

Remember when we said

We'd only love each other, well

That's all gone to hell

I'll give away your things

Put your pictures on a shelf

Wish I could solve all my problems

With someone else

But it just feels so wrong

The love we shared is gone

Gonna drown it all in alcohol

Wash everything away

Maybe I'll get some sleep tonight

And face another day

Why can't I just move on?

The time we had is gone

The love we shared is gone

---M.

Better Than Nothing

Imagine the most beautiful girl you know. She's sweet, charming and just plain fun to be around. Every day you look forward to her “Good morning” texts; you can't go to sleep until you text her good night. The best days are the ones where you just lounge around together, watching bad TV or talking about everything and nothing at the same time. The best nights are the ones when she's stretched out on your bed, dozing peacefully while you lie next to her, wondering how anyone so perfect could possibly real.

She calls you her brother, her partner in crime, her best friend. But she doesn't want you the way that you want her. “I just can't see you like that,” she says. So steadfastly, you stay by her side, consoling her when someone else breaks her heart, listening to all her bad date stories and friend drama. You're there for her when she can't make ends meet. When you have to go away on business for a few weeks on a long trip, you send her flowers and bring her souvenirs. Deep in your heart, you know you want something more than this, but you don't want to push her away. Sometime companionship is better than no companionship. Something is better than nothing.

Better.

Than.

Nothing.

Better than nothing is what a person settles for when they're tired of being alone, sick of blind dates set up by well-meaning friends. They're sick of online dating which feels more like some kind demeaningof competition, like soulmate shopping rather than dating. They're over their coupled friends dispensing unhelpful advice, or worse, saying things like, “Man, I wish I was single again!”

Truth is, in some ways, this kind of relationship is even worse than being single, because you are this person's partner in everything but name, and probably sex. This kind of relationship may last for a few a weeks or months, but invariably you will get dumped for someones that this person is actually into. It will feel just as bad as a breakup, if not worse.

Whilst you remain blinded by an unrequited soup of emotions, there is someone waiting in the wings, watching you and wondering what the hell your problem is. She may not be as beautiful or charming as the object of your affection, but she's crazy about you and just wishes you would notice her. She watches your wannabe paramour push you away as you try harder and harder to make your way into her heart. She wonders if she even has a chance.

Eventually you get tired of playing second fiddle and you realise you want something more. You crave something more than this hollow, frustrating pseudo-relationship. You know now that you've been settling for way less than you deserve, and you've been starving for affection and romance that has been sorely lacking. You let go... And fall into the arms of the one who was watching from the wings. In that moment you have an epiphany: you deserve love, real love, not the candy-coated frustration you been given for so long. You were like a prisoner kept alive on bread and water... Now, her touch makes you feel whole, and your soul is nourished.

You realise now that when your beautiful friend was acting like she didn't give a shit, she wasn't playing hard to get... she really didn't give a shit. You were content to let your heart be trampled on; you were content to be used, then thrown away like a Kleenex when you didn't fit into her life anymore. You know now that you're free... and you're not better than nothing anymore. You're something to someone who adores and cares about you. Now you'll never settle for anything less.

Ask a Plant-Muncher: "Are you veg*n because you don't like meat?"

I've got a confession to make. This may come as a surprise, seeing as I have not eaten it in over two years, but I love meat.

There was a time in my life when nothing made me happier than a big, juicy steak (covered in A-1 steak sauce of course). I adored going to restaurants like Fuddrucker's and Carl's Jr, indulging in a meaty burger. One of the best dates I have ever been on was at Marcello's, which is a chophouse in Albuquerque, NM. My date and I had porterhouse steak, truffled mac and cheese, and listened to live jazz. One of my favourite recipes was bacon-wrapped pigs in a blanket. (Pretty sure I have pics floating around somewhere.) So,yeah, clearly a meat aficionado here. So, what changed?

Well, like many people, I only liked meat a certain way. I could not stand seeing bones, cartilage, fat, gristle... Anything that reminded me that it was once a living being. Once, Mum ordered chicken wings from Domino's, I bit into a big fat vein, and went straight away into the bathroom where I threw up. Another time I got a steak which had been undercooked. When blood started running onto the plate I could not finish my meal because I was so disgusted. I also could only eat meat if I had been either heavily processed (like deli slices or bacon) or covered in sauce, gravy, or condiments of some kind. I knew a guy who was into bodybuilding who ate plain chicken breasts and spinach for dinner; I used to always tease him and say, "Put some barbecue sauce on that shit, bro!"

Over time I started becoming more disgusted with myself because I could not seem to keep up the same kind of cognitive dissonance like others around me. Why could everyone else eat sausage and eggs for breakfast and feel nothing, and I couldn't? I remembered the project I did on factory farming back in high school, and the revulsion I felt after learning about the horrors chickens go through for our chicken sandwiches and eggs. I decided to revisit that, but not after getting into a lot of debates with vegans and vegetarians on the Internet. One day someone sent me a message saying, "Watch Earthlings" with a link to the movie. Narrated by Joaquin Phoenix, the movie details the different ways animals are killed and exploited for human consumption. I forced myself to watch the entire thing (even though I was in tears ten minutes in).

I decided then and there that if I couldn't look my food in the face, I didn't deserve to eat it. I also could not, in good conscience, support the cruelty and horror involved in factory farming. Then and there I became a vegetarian. A few weeks later, I went even further and became vegan. Though I'm nowhere near perfect and I have the occasional slip-up, I feel like this lifestyle is the best thing that ever happened to me, and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

Do I still crave meat? Yes, on occasion. Same way I crave cigarettes. (There was another time in my life when I was rarely seen without a cigarette poking out of my mouth). I know cigarettes are bad for me , make me smell awful, burn a hole in my pocketbook, change the way food tastes... But that doesn't mean I don't crave the comfort a cigarette used to bring. Meat, too, was a comfort food for me. No longer. All it takes it a little willpower and I am stronger than my tastebuds, cultural conditioning and societal pressure.

--M. Dos Santos

Darlin' (poetry/song thingy)

I'm in love for the first time since the last time

Think I'm finally ready to fall

I've taken your hand, we're setting sail for uncharted lands

I'm gonna give it all my all

Put your arms around me

Hold me tight

Call me your darlin'

Make everything all right

For so long I was lonely, I was lost in space

With no one to call my own

But in your beautiful eyes I see a future, I see a better place

I've found somewhere to call home

Just put your arms around me

Hold me tight

Call me your darlin'

And make everything all right

You didn't win me with wine

You didn't bribe me with flowers

And though it may not be perfect

I love it cos it's ours

I'm not the kind of girl

Who needs a man, it's true

But now I can't imagine

Living life without you

I need your arms around me

Holding me tight

Whisper in my ear, darlin'

And make everything all right'

Keep On Forgetting (poem/song lyrics)

I know I shouldn't think about you
Pretend you don't even exist
Move on with my life
Cross you off my list
It would be so easy
To pass you by in the hall
Minding my own business
Not caring at all
But in a world full of lies
This is the only truth
I keep on forgetting
To forget about you
Won't give you a chance to reject me
You don't even know my name
Somehow I'll silence the yearning
And live through the pain
Somebody help me
Tell me what should I do?
I keep on forgetting
To forget about you
Somebody save me
It's bleeding through
I keep on forgetting
To forget about you

Higher (poetry/song thingy)

"Higher"

Hey, why don't you pick up the phone?
Haven't heard from you in awhile
And I'm tired of being alone
Hey, I know you're hurting inside
But if you just give me a chance
I'll make everything all right
Cos you're like heroin
Coursing through my veins
First comes the ecstasy then the pain
Just take my hand
Maybe then you'll understand
And as your golden hair surrounds me
I'll take you higher than you've ever been before
Don't try to fight it, just embrace it
Tell me, tell me now that you want more
Hey, I understand that you're afraid
Those other girls, they've hurt you
But I'm not the same
I'll do my best to wash it all
Away from your memory
First, I need you next to me
This chance comes once in a lifetime, make the best of it
As for my lifetime, you can have the rest of it
You've nothing left to prove
And nothing left to lose 
And as your golden hair surrounds me
I'll take you higher than you've ever been before
Don't try to fight it, just embrace it
Tell me, tell me now that you want more


-- M. Dos Santos